Oh, Baby

So Ethan has had some major gas issues the last couple of days... I'm seriously trying to think about what I'm eating, but it just seems impossible sometimes. I feel so terrible when he's hurting and just want it to go away. But other than that, everything is still going so well. I was just telling my mom yesterday that I have to pinch myself sometimes because it just doesn't seem real still. I think it's still hard for me to accept that I'm a mother, but not married. You know how you always have this dream for yourself or imagine how your life will turn out. Well, I never would have imagined it this way. That doesn't make being a mother now any less enjoyable. It's just still hard for me to grasp since the current pictures doesn't quite match up with the one I had envisioned.

I feel now as though my life has a purpose. I know God always had a purpose for me and I'd like to think that I was living that way before. But now I know exactly why I'm here. My life is to serve this little guy and care for him and his needs. I finally feel as though I'm living. It's hard to explain. But it's amazing and I love living now, more than ever.