Prayer

So this blog is mostly about my need for prayer. I need to be praying more myself and I'd like to ask for anyone who reads this to just keep Ethan and I in your prayers. I've been feeling like giving up lately with trying to get Ethan to take good naps. Just when I feel like he's getting it, the next day seems like a nightmare. I was talking with a good friend of mine who has 2 kids of her own and she had a lot of good advice for me. I'm willing to try just about anything right now, so we'll see if trying to keep him on a schedule will help.

Sometimes I feel like God gave me this "difficult" child to teach me to be dependent on Him. There was a time after Trampes and I called off the wedding that I asked God to keep me as desperate for him as I was at that time. And in some ways, I think he's only answering my prayer.

And today after reading my friend's blog, I was reminded again that I need to keep my life in perspective. I feel like it's the end of the world when I have to listen to my child cry so much during the day. And I get SO FRUSTRATED when I know he's still tired, but refuses to fall back asleep. And then I start to doubt myself - am I doing this wrong? Am I torturing my child? Will we ever get past this stage? And I know we will, but sometimes this feels like it's lasting forever...
And that's when I have to tell myself that I have parents who love me (and my son) enough to allow us to live with them and are giving us a roof over our heads and food to eat and a safe and loving home for both Ethan and I. And my son is healthy and growing and such a beautiful child. I don't even deserve him. But God gave him to me and I have to remember what a GIFT he is. And my friends may not be near me, but they love me and pray for me and we can talk as often as we like. And my sister is close by and she's having a baby in January and I can't wait to share that JOY with her when her little one arrives!

There's so much in my life that I should be thankful for. I should wake up everyday (or every time I wake in the night;) thanking God for all that he's given me. There are so many people who will never know God's love like I've been blessed to know Him. And when life gets a little less complicated (not that it ever really does), but once I can get out more, I want to allow God to use me however he sees fit. I want my life to exemplify Christ, that others would come to know him through the love that I'm able to show because of the love that God has lavished on me.

So that's what I wanted to share today. To all of you who are friends and family, know that you are loved. And take some time to thank God for all that he's GIVEN you - try not to dwell on things that can't be changed. Remember that there is hope in every situation and as long as you keep God in the center, your life will have purpose. Thanks for listening to me babble on - and thank you for your prayers:)