In memory of my angel, Ethan Ryder

I'm embarrassed at how much time I allowed to pass before getting on this blog to talk about how wonderful and amazing and special my little boy was. I just looked back at some of the last things I recorded about his life and the ways in which he was learning and growing. I hope to use this site now to talk about him still... to remember him in the precious moments, To shine a light on the darkness that surrounds his death. Yet, even in the darkness, I can still see the light that God shined down on Ethan even in his darkest hour. We prayed for protection for him EVERY TIME he left us and asked God to watch over him and send his angels to protect him. This was not the answer we were looking for, but perhaps God answered in a way we'll never understand. I know we'll be haunted for years to come when we think of how tragically we lost him - it's so hard not to imagine and want to scream in pain for him. But then I remember of the story of Stephen from the Bible. Even as he was being stoned, he cried out to God and was protected from the pain. I think a light always surrounded Ethan wherever he went and when he was hurt, he sensed that light. The last words I said to him before we dropped him off for the last time (as he was crying because he didn't want to go), was that God loved him MOST of all and that we prayed for him every time he left and that the angels would watch over him. He knew that, even at the tender age of three. He knew how much Jesus loved him. I hope to continue to pour out my heart as I have memories of Ethan or when I miss him dearly, as I do now. I hope that it will encourage readers to love on their children like there may be no tomorrow and cherish every moment that you have with the people you love. Tomorrow could truly be your last. Heaven is sweeter now that my little Ethan is there. I love you, Ethan. I'll always love you and I will miss you for the rest of my life here on earth.