In memory of my angel, Ethan Ryder

I'm embarrassed at how much time I allowed to pass before getting on this blog to talk about how wonderful and amazing and special my little boy was. I just looked back at some of the last things I recorded about his life and the ways in which he was learning and growing. I hope to use this site now to talk about him still... to remember him in the precious moments, To shine a light on the darkness that surrounds his death. Yet, even in the darkness, I can still see the light that God shined down on Ethan even in his darkest hour. We prayed for protection for him EVERY TIME he left us and asked God to watch over him and send his angels to protect him. This was not the answer we were looking for, but perhaps God answered in a way we'll never understand. I know we'll be haunted for years to come when we think of how tragically we lost him - it's so hard not to imagine and want to scream in pain for him. But then I remember of the story of Stephen from the Bible. Even as he was being stoned, he cried out to God and was protected from the pain. I think a light always surrounded Ethan wherever he went and when he was hurt, he sensed that light. The last words I said to him before we dropped him off for the last time (as he was crying because he didn't want to go), was that God loved him MOST of all and that we prayed for him every time he left and that the angels would watch over him. He knew that, even at the tender age of three. He knew how much Jesus loved him. I hope to continue to pour out my heart as I have memories of Ethan or when I miss him dearly, as I do now. I hope that it will encourage readers to love on their children like there may be no tomorrow and cherish every moment that you have with the people you love. Tomorrow could truly be your last. Heaven is sweeter now that my little Ethan is there. I love you, Ethan. I'll always love you and I will miss you for the rest of my life here on earth.

Definitely time for an update!

I've been terrible at keeping up with this blog lately, but I need to at least get some current pictures up. So the last I wrote, I was filling you in on Christmas and New Years. Things continue to go well for Jesse and I. We just had our first pre-marital counseling session and we look forward to coninuing to grow as a couple and grow in the Lord together.

In other news, Ethan's going to be 2 in just a couple months!! I can hardly believe it! He seems to be growing so fast. He's still not big into talking, but he sure likes to babble. Most words start with "ba" or sound like "ba", but he definitely knows what's going on around him. And he's very understanding of the questions that I ask. It may take him some time to get a few more words in, but he's a smart boy.

The weather has actually been very nice here for the past few days and we've had a chance to get outside, which he loves! I think that kid could live out there if he was allowed to. ;) We took out every ball we own - as well as tennis rackets and badmitten rackets. He's been enjoying throwing the balls into the street so that I have to continually retreive them for him. What a little stinker.

He's been getting better at running (maybe more like fast walking), but he's definitely moving well. He still has an excellent arm - excited to see what kind of sports he gets into as he gets older. And as usual, I have nothing but the best to report. He may be approaching those "terrible 2's" and can be a bit whiny at times, but I've been blessed with an amazing little boy. He's truly a joy to be around - full of smiles and love and laughter. I'm thankful for my little Ethan Ryder.

That's what's "new" here... I'll try to keep up a little better.

Christmas 2009

I've been terrible at keeping up with this blog... maybe I should rename it Kristin and Ethan's blog :)
I have a lot of news about *myself* lately... been dating a guy named Jesse since just after Thanksgiving and things are getting serious FAST. But it's been amazing from the beginning. I'm including this in the latest with Ethan and I because it's very possible this man could be a part of both of our lives for a very long time. I am happier now than I've ever been. Seriously.

Ethan's been doing wonderfully. He gets bigger and smarter everyday it seems. He's about to go pro as a baseball pitcher I think ;) The boy can seriously throw a ball! We're still waiting on more words to form, but I can tell that he's trying. And sometimes it seems like he's saying certain words - ball, dog, juice (choo), grandma and grandpa (a'ma and a'pa) But most of the words are still a little hard too understand. I can tell he understands most of what I'm saying and listens to what I ask him to do/not do. So I'm feeling very blessed to have such an amazing little boy. God is so good to me.

And now that he's given me Jesse, things just seem to be coming together perfectly. I'd be very suprised if I'm not married in the next year. We were just talking engagement and marriage last night. What's amazing about our relationship so far is that we've been completely on the same page from the get-go. I can hardly believe we've only been seeing each other for a couple months. But I know this for sure - God placed the two of us in each other's lives at just the right time... God's timing truly is perfect. I can't regret a single part of my story so far - it's all exactly as God planned. He is truly good - He loves and forgives and extends grace and makes beauty from ashes... our God is an awesome God.

I'll include a few pics from Christmas... Jessie was here, but unfortunately David couldn't make it. And Jon is overseas right now, so we missed both him and Christy. We still had a wonderful time together, but its never quite the same when we're missing anyone from the family. I'll also include a picture of Jesse and I from New Years - he took me out for an amazing night on the town (in Chicago)... dinner, horse and carriage ride, and a show! What a night! Best New Years ever! I think that mostly brings things up to speed. Amazing the changes that can happen over a matter of a few months...

Halloween

I've been pretty terrible at keeping up with this blog...
all is well in the Hazen household. Ethan's getting around like a pro, climbing on everything, doing typical little boy things like hitting and loving anything to do with sports. He's my little ham and I couldn't be prouder of him. Like I've said before, I'd love to get some videos on here, but it just hasn't worked lately. So I'll continue to keep up with favorite pics and if you're my friend on facebook, you can see the rest. I just got 2 new videos up on facebook, so that will give you an idea of how well Ethan's getting around and a bit of the babbling he's doing lately. But here's some pics from Halloween with his cousins Jacob and Gabe.
We're still working on the candy from our trick-or-treating.

Things to remember

I've been thinking of the little things Ethan does that I don't want to forget, so here are some of those things:
- loves to play with spatulas, spoons, pots and pans, etc (but spatulas are the favs)
- makes the little car vroom vroom noises and points them in the right direction before he rolls them across the floor
- "baba" is basketball and so far that seems to be his favorite
- likes playing with the remote (must be a boy) haha
- points at EVERYTHING! and usually says "da!" (that) I think
- loves pointing at his belly button and poking mine when he gets the chance
- drinks juice and milk like its water - chug chug chug!
- walking fast/running very well
- always wants to see what we're making in the kitchen - "pick me up!! let me see!"
(though he doesn't quite SAY that yet)
- loves his blankie - takes it with him wherever we go
- could spend all day outside if he could
- dirt seems to be in the mouth as much as in his hands/on his feet
- gives the best hugs
- and just about the most amazingly cute, smart, loving little boy in the world!! (that may be a bit biased)

Just a few more favs

Since I can't upload videos lately (computer's too slow or something), I'm adding some more favorite pictures... enjoy!
first ride on an airplane! so exciting!!


Ethan met a new friend while in Seattle

yeah, thumbs up

must be another airplane flying overhead

love this little smirk

already going after the girls... look out! gonna be a heartbreaker

pointing at something, as usual

Was that summer!??

So I've been terrible about keeping up Ethan's blog... I apoligize to anyone who wishes to see more adorable pictures/videos of the little man. I suppose I assume most people are on facebook and see way too many pictures of him on there. But I guess not EVERYONE is on facebook. (you really should think about it if you aren't) Anyway, what's new here? Well, as I titled this blog, this has been the weirdest summer weather. It hasn't felt much like summer for most of June, July, and especially August. This last week has been mostly cloudy and rainy and mid-60's. yuck. So we've been trying to keep ourselves busy inside and taking fun trips to the library and going to see cousins Jacob and Gabe! woohoo! Our last few weeks have been full of fun and excitement. I think Ethan's just about had all he can take;) First, he experienced his very first plane ride! wow - that's not something I want to do again soon by myself. But we got through it and we had help from Grandma and Grandpa Hazen on the way home. We went to Seattle from Aug. 5-11. Had an amazing time with my sister Jessie, her husband David and my brother Jon and his wife Christy. The WHOLE family was together for a couple days during the weekend, so that was wonderful. I'll have to add a couple pictures from our good times together. When we got home, the Driscoll family was here visiting my Aunt Kathy and Uncle Bud. So Ethan and Jacob enjoyed playing with Karna and Micah's 4 kids for the day. After they headed home, I found out my good friend Rachel was going to be in town for a bit with her 2 girls Ashlyn and Sydnie. So again Ethan had some fun, but long days with her little girls. And Rachel, Alissa, and I had a great time being together and catching up. Ethan got a cold from her girls, so he's been a little under the weather the last few days, but he's handling it like a trooper. And Rachel will be here for a few more days next week when they return from Maine, so we're looking forward to spending a little more time with them before they return to Nicarauga. So despite the yucky weather, we've been enjoying the time spent with the people we love! Ethan's cousin Jacob just started kindergarden a couple weeks ago and he seems to be liking it so far. It's been a little weird not being able to just have him over whenever, but he only has a half day, so we still see him a good amount. Ethan absolutely adores his cousin Jacob! It will be fun to see how he and Gabe become friends as Gabe gets older because they're much closer in age. So as time goes on, I'm sure the three of them will be good buddies. I'm going to get at least a few pictures on here and REALLY hope to get at least one video on to show what a big boy Ethan's become. Been trying for about an hour and a half, but the video still hasn't uploaded! I may have to try again soon...