Ethan Ryder

In memory of my angel, Ethan Ryder

2011-08-08T21:46:00.000-07:00

I'm embarrassed at how much time I allowed to pass before getting on this blog to talk about how wonderful and amazing and special my little boy was. I just looked back at some of the last things I recorded about his life and the ways in which he was learning and growing. I hope to use this site now to talk about him still... to remember him in the precious moments, To shine a light on the darkness that surrounds his death. Yet, even in the darkness, I can still see the light that God shined down on Ethan even in his darkest hour. We prayed for protection for him EVERY TIME he left us and asked God to watch over him and send his angels to protect him. This was not the answer we were looking for, but perhaps God answered in a way we'll never understand. I know we'll be haunted for years to come when we think of how tragically we lost him - it's so hard not to imagine and want to scream in pain for him. But then I remember of the story of Stephen from the Bible. Even as he was being stoned, he cried out to God and was protected from the pain. I think a light always surrounded Ethan wherever he went and when he was hurt, he sensed that light. The last words I said to him before we dropped him off for the last time (as he was crying because he didn't want to go), was that God loved him MOST of all and that we prayed for him every time he left and that the angels would watch over him. He knew that, even at the tender age of three. He knew how much Jesus loved him. I hope to continue to pour out my heart as I have memories of Ethan or when I miss him dearly, as I do now. I hope that it will encourage readers to love on their children like there may be no tomorrow and cherish every moment that you have with the people you love. Tomorrow could truly be your last. Heaven is sweeter now that my little Ethan is there. I love you, Ethan. I'll always love you and I will miss you for the rest of my life here on earth.

Definitely time for an update!

2010-03-19T20:24:00.000-07:00

I've been terrible at keeping up with this blog lately, but I need to at least get some current pictures up. So the last I wrote, I was filling you in on Christmas and New Years. Things continue to go well for Jesse and I. We just had our first pre-marital counseling session and we look forward to coninuing to grow as a couple and grow in the Lord together.

In other news, Ethan's going to be 2 in just a couple months!! I can hardly believe it! He seems to be growing so fast. He's still not big into talking, but he sure likes to babble. Most words start with "ba" or sound like "ba", but he definitely knows what's going on around him. And he's very understanding of the questions that I ask. It may take him some time to get a few more words in, but he's a smart boy.

The weather has actually been very nice here for the past few days and we've had a chance to get outside, which he loves! I think that kid could live out there if he was allowed to. ;) We took out every ball we own - as well as tennis rackets and badmitten rackets. He's been enjoying throwing the balls into the street so that I have to continually retreive them for him. What a little stinker.

He's been getting better at running (maybe more like fast walking), but he's definitely moving well. He still has an excellent arm - excited to see what kind of sports he gets into as he gets older. And as usual, I have nothing but the best to report. He may be approaching those "terrible 2's" and can be a bit whiny at times, but I've been blessed with an amazing little boy. He's truly a joy to be around - full of smiles and love and laughter. I'm thankful for my little Ethan Ryder.

That's what's "new" here... I'll try to keep up a little better.

Christmas 2009

2010-01-18T19:48:00.001-08:00

I've been terrible at keeping up with this blog... maybe I should rename it Kristin and Ethan's blog :)
I have a lot of news about *myself* lately... been dating a guy named Jesse since just after Thanksgiving and things are getting serious FAST. But it's been amazing from the beginning. I'm including this in the latest with Ethan and I because it's very possible this man could be a part of both of our lives for a very long time. I am happier now than I've ever been. Seriously.

Ethan's been doing wonderfully. He gets bigger and smarter everyday it seems. He's about to go pro as a baseball pitcher I think ;) The boy can seriously throw a ball! We're still waiting on more words to form, but I can tell that he's trying. And sometimes it seems like he's saying certain words - ball, dog, juice (choo), grandma and grandpa (a'ma and a'pa) But most of the words are still a little hard too understand. I can tell he understands most of what I'm saying and listens to what I ask him to do/not do. So I'm feeling very blessed to have such an amazing little boy. God is so good to me.

And now that he's given me Jesse, things just seem to be coming together perfectly. I'd be very suprised if I'm not married in the next year. We were just talking engagement and marriage last night. What's amazing about our relationship so far is that we've been completely on the same page from the get-go. I can hardly believe we've only been seeing each other for a couple months. But I know this for sure - God placed the two of us in each other's lives at just the right time... God's timing truly is perfect. I can't regret a single part of my story so far - it's all exactly as God planned. He is truly good - He loves and forgives and extends grace and makes beauty from ashes... our God is an awesome God.

I'll include a few pics from Christmas... Jessie was here, but unfortunately David couldn't make it. And Jon is overseas right now, so we missed both him and Christy. We still had a wonderful time together, but its never quite the same when we're missing anyone from the family. I'll also include a picture of Jesse and I from New Years - he took me out for an amazing night on the town (in Chicago)... dinner, horse and carriage ride, and a show! What a night! Best New Years ever! I think that mostly brings things up to speed. Amazing the changes that can happen over a matter of a few months...

Halloween

2009-11-04T16:47:00.000-08:00

I've been pretty terrible at keeping up with this blog...
all is well in the Hazen household. Ethan's getting around like a pro, climbing on everything, doing typical little boy things like hitting and loving anything to do with sports. He's my little ham and I couldn't be prouder of him. Like I've said before, I'd love to get some videos on here, but it just hasn't worked lately. So I'll continue to keep up with favorite pics and if you're my friend on facebook, you can see the rest. I just got 2 new videos up on facebook, so that will give you an idea of how well Ethan's getting around and a bit of the babbling he's doing lately. But here's some pics from Halloween with his cousins Jacob and Gabe.
We're still working on the candy from our trick-or-treating.

Things to remember

2009-09-18T18:41:00.001-07:00

I've been thinking of the little things Ethan does that I don't want to forget, so here are some of those things:
- loves to play with spatulas, spoons, pots and pans, etc (but spatulas are the favs)
- makes the little car vroom vroom noises and points them in the right direction before he rolls them across the floor
- "baba" is basketball and so far that seems to be his favorite
- likes playing with the remote (must be a boy) haha
- points at EVERYTHING! and usually says "da!" (that) I think
- loves pointing at his belly button and poking mine when he gets the chance
- drinks juice and milk like its water - chug chug chug!
- walking fast/running very well
- always wants to see what we're making in the kitchen - "pick me up!! let me see!"
(though he doesn't quite SAY that yet)
- loves his blankie - takes it with him wherever we go
- could spend all day outside if he could
- dirt seems to be in the mouth as much as in his hands/on his feet
- gives the best hugs
- and just about the most amazingly cute, smart, loving little boy in the world!! (that may be a bit biased)

Just a few more favs

2009-09-05T20:27:00.000-07:00

Since I can't upload videos lately (computer's too slow or something), I'm adding some more favorite pictures... enjoy!
first ride on an airplane! so exciting!!

Ethan met a new friend while in Seattle

yeah, thumbs up

must be another airplane flying overhead

love this little smirk

already going after the girls... look out! gonna be a heartbreaker

pointing at something, as usual

Was that summer!??

2009-08-29T19:08:00.000-07:00

So I've been terrible about keeping up Ethan's blog... I apoligize to anyone who wishes to see more adorable pictures/videos of the little man. I suppose I assume most people are on facebook and see way too many pictures of him on there. But I guess not EVERYONE is on facebook. (you really should think about it if you aren't) Anyway, what's new here? Well, as I titled this blog, this has been the weirdest summer weather. It hasn't felt much like summer for most of June, July, and especially August. This last week has been mostly cloudy and rainy and mid-60's. yuck. So we've been trying to keep ourselves busy inside and taking fun trips to the library and going to see cousins Jacob and Gabe! woohoo! Our last few weeks have been full of fun and excitement. I think Ethan's just about had all he can take;) First, he experienced his very first plane ride! wow - that's not something I want to do again soon by myself. But we got through it and we had help from Grandma and Grandpa Hazen on the way home. We went to Seattle from Aug. 5-11. Had an amazing time with my sister Jessie, her husband David and my brother Jon and his wife Christy. The WHOLE family was together for a couple days during the weekend, so that was wonderful. I'll have to add a couple pictures from our good times together. When we got home, the Driscoll family was here visiting my Aunt Kathy and Uncle Bud. So Ethan and Jacob enjoyed playing with Karna and Micah's 4 kids for the day. After they headed home, I found out my good friend Rachel was going to be in town for a bit with her 2 girls Ashlyn and Sydnie. So again Ethan had some fun, but long days with her little girls. And Rachel, Alissa, and I had a great time being together and catching up. Ethan got a cold from her girls, so he's been a little under the weather the last few days, but he's handling it like a trooper. And Rachel will be here for a few more days next week when they return from Maine, so we're looking forward to spending a little more time with them before they return to Nicarauga. So despite the yucky weather, we've been enjoying the time spent with the people we love! Ethan's cousin Jacob just started kindergarden a couple weeks ago and he seems to be liking it so far. It's been a little weird not being able to just have him over whenever, but he only has a half day, so we still see him a good amount. Ethan absolutely adores his cousin Jacob! It will be fun to see how he and Gabe become friends as Gabe gets older because they're much closer in age. So as time goes on, I'm sure the three of them will be good buddies. I'm going to get at least a few pictures on here and REALLY hope to get at least one video on to show what a big boy Ethan's become. Been trying for about an hour and a half, but the video still hasn't uploaded! I may have to try again soon...

July's half over!!

2009-07-16T13:16:00.000-07:00

I can't believe how quickly this summer is flying by, but that's to be expected when we're having so much fun. Ethan's 13 1/2 months now and getting into trouble faster than I can spell trouble. :) He's definitely keeping me on my toes. So what has he been up to lately?? ~loves pointing up in the sky when he hears a plane ~tries walking down stairs by himself (and I mean walking - holds onto the rails) ~could play outside and get into DIRT all day ~plays with cars and makes vroom vroom noises (mostly spits everywhere) ~walking faster everyday - will be running soon ~likes kicking and splashing in the pool ~wants to push the lawn mower when grandpa mows the lawn ~loves all different kinds of balls - basketballs, baseballs, footballs, soccer, etc and can throw them pretty well too ~and generally just getting into EVERYTHING!! opening doors, cabinets, drawers and trying to climb on everything too I'll add some pictures and a couple videos (or just one if it takes too long) to give you an idea of what he's been up to

Video/pics from Ethan's 1st birthday

2009-06-02T12:34:00.000-07:00

First Birthday!!! (May 29)

2009-05-28T19:33:00.001-07:00

I'm pretty sure I'll forget to get on here tomorrow with all the excitement and celebrating going on tomorrow;) So I wanted to say HAPPY FIRST BIRTHDAY to my little man, Ethan Ryder Hazen-Brown!!! It's been quite a year and I find it so hard to believe an entire year has passed already. Ethan's grown and changed in so many ways - what an amazing thing to witness day to day.

He's walking now! I knew he'd start before he turned 1. He's been so close for the past month or so. And I'd say for the past 4 days he's become much more confident and is walking more than he crawls now. My little baby is becoming a toddler!! :0

He's babbling all the time now and it sounds like he's made up his own language. Though "da" and "do" are still his favorite sounds. I'll put up a couple more videos next time I'm on along with some pics from his first birthday. Glad so many of you have been able to keep up with us this way. I'll do my best to keep you as up-to-date as possible.

New videos

2009-05-06T19:27:00.000-07:00

Finally getting some recent videos uploaded... it just takes so long!! hope you all enjoy:) And the latest is that Ethan and I both have colds, so we're both blowing the noses and coughing on an occassion. Other than that, Ethan is loving being outside and getting into dirt and rocks whenever we have the chance. He has a splinter in his finger from our adventures at Valplayso (the playground near our house). And I'll be very surprised if he's not walking by the time he's 1 year or sooner. Only time will tell...

Quick update

2009-04-15T07:07:00.000-07:00

I can hardly believe we're half way through April already! Time is just flying past me these days. Ethan is getting more daring with standing and trying to walk. He's taken just a few steps on his own now, but not quite ready to walk on his own. I'm sure he'll get the hang of it in the next month or so.

Also, went to the doctor and they say he's a little underweight. I really don't think he's unhealthy at all, but the doctor wants to do an exam on him again. Shouldn't be anything, but I suppose it's a concern.

He's doing just as well as he can be. Always smiling and an adventurous little boy. Has taken a few tumbles in the last month, but that happens. Also, had a great trip to Illinois - so fun to see the kids interact. Don't have time now, but I'll add some pics from that soon.

Weekend Fun!

2009-04-03T13:18:00.000-07:00

Ethan and I are spending the weekend with my friends Katie and Laura and their kids Lydia and Luke. So I'll have to add some pictures once we get home. Ethan got his 8th tooth! So he's been drooling like crazy and had a bit of a fever and a runny nose. That's made sleeping a little harder, so hopefully he'll get back to "normal" soon and we can both get better rest.

But other than that, all is well. He's getting more and more vocal. I'm expecting him to say a word soon (and actually understand what he's saying). It just sounds like he's already trying to communicate with us. His favorite sounds are "dada" and "baba" and "juju" or "jojo" and sometimes he says "mama" but not as often. I was hoping that would be his first word, but it's not looking that way.

I'm really looking forward to seeing how he interacts with Lydia and Luke, so this should be a fun weekend. Luckily Lyida and Ethan are BOTH sleeping right now, so Katie and have a little down time before they wake again. Yay for time with friends!!

9 month pictures

2009-03-23T14:09:00.000-07:00

I was able to download some of Ethan's pics from JC Penny, so I'm going to see if I can upload them here...

Spring is almost here

2009-03-16T14:54:00.000-07:00

Here's a couple shots of Ethan enjoying the outdoors... can't wait to get him in the pool this summer. We were just at my friend's wedding on Saturday in Wisconson and he did GREAT in the car! Took a nap on the way and slept the whole way home (didn't leave till about 9pm - he was TIRED).

And he had his 9 mo check up a week ago. Everything is fine, but I guess he's a little under weight. So I'm doing my best to fill him up everytime he eats. The Dr. doesn't think it's anything to be concerned about. He's a healthy boy and looks just fine for his size. But we're bringing him back in next month to be sure he's gaining enough weight. He's 28 1/2 inches and a little over 18 lbs.

What's new? He's figured out how to wave bye-bye. He stands by himself for short periods of time (5-10 seconds). He loves walking with help from the "walker" with wheels - gets up on it by himself now. And he's becoming more and more vocal. Loves rocking to music and "sing-song" babbling. He's still the love of my life and such a joy - puts many smiles on my face from day to day.

March already!?

2009-03-11T20:08:00.000-07:00

So I tried uploading a video the other day and it didn't work very well... so I'm trying yet again. I've been having a lot of fun watching Ethan explore and learn how to get from here to there in many interesting ways. But mostly just hoping I can keep my eyes on him long enough to be sure he's not getting into the many things that he shouldn't :) He's 9 months now!! wow! So hard to believe how quickly it really does go by. so here are some recent videos - enjoy!

They grow up so fast:)

2009-02-12T12:26:00.000-08:00

Just wanted to put a few more recent pictures up... he's crawling like a pro and gets up on everything now. He thinks he can use ANYTHING to get up to standing. Have to be very careful now.

Big news!

2009-02-01T15:33:00.000-08:00

Ethan has another nephew!! Bethany had another little boy, Gabriel Joseph Drew, born Jan. 24 at 11:21pm. I was there to see him born! It was amazing!! So Bethany's getting used to being a "new mommy" again and we're excited to see how Gabriel and Ethan will get along as they both get older.

Ethan started crawling a little over a week ago! So now he's unstoppable! I feel like a disaster could happen if I turn away for just a few seconds, so I have to watch him like a hawk now. He also has had a cold for about a week now, so we're hoping he'll start being able to breath through is nose again which will also help him sleep and eat better too.

As I'm writing right now, he's crawling in the old barbie house my dad made when we were kids. Seems to be having fun - ah, but now he's getting something in his mouth that doesn't belong there...

So I need to get going.

Christmas pictures!

2009-01-16T11:08:00.000-08:00

Here are some fun pictures from Christmas day

2009!

2009-01-02T20:51:00.000-08:00

So it's the new year! hm, doesn't feel much different...
Ethan and I just went to bed like any other day. Though I can't say either of us got much sleep:( He's definitely teething again and I think he's getting 6 more teeth!! 4 upper teeth and 2 more on the bottom all look like they're starting to come in. So good luck to us for the next week or so.

Our trip to N.C. went as good as it could have. Ethan did very well in the car and did his best to take naps and sleep in new places (where it was usually very NOISY!) So I was thankful to be home again for that reason alone - in his own bed again where he has some peace and quiet. My Grandma's funeral was a mix of laughter and tears. It's always hard to say goodbye to those you love, but as I said we're happy to know where she is now. And it was good to see family on my dad's side who we hadn't seen for years.

Ethan gets closer to crawling everyday. I'll try to get another little video on here of him "creeping" and eventually crawling once he figures that out. But he's definitely figured out how to get to where he wants to go, especially if he really has his eye on something. He's beginning to become much clearer about his likes and dislikes. Though it will be very fun once he can start communicating with us with words.

Good to be back home again - HAPPY NEW YEAR to all!! Will try to get some recent pics from Christmas and our trip to N.C. on here soon.

Videos

2008-12-20T17:33:00.000-08:00

Took me a while to figure out how to upload the videos, but now I think I've got it! enjoy:)
The video of him eating peaches was just before he turned 6 months. The one with Grandma and Grandpa was just a couple weeks ago. He's definitely been laughing more and more...

Grandma Hazen

2008-12-20T17:27:00.000-08:00

My Grandma Hazen, Ethan's Great Grandma Hazen has gone to be with the Lord this morning. My dad's birthday was yesterday and Christmas is just around the corner, so not exactly the time we would have hoped for. But there's never a good time to loose someone you love. I will say that I have a joy in my heart now knowing where she is... in her new heavenly body with Jesus!! And now she's laughing and singing praises and reunited with loved ones like her husband who passed away in '98.

So it's a day mixed with tears of saddness and joy. We thought we'd be seeing her the day after Christmas, but now it looks like we'll be going for a funeral. So we leave Dec. 26 for North Carolina. We ask for prayers for a safe trip and especially that Ethan would do well on our long trip. I had hoped he'd be able to meet his Great Grandma Hazen, but Lord willing, he'll meet her in Heaven.

new pics before my computer dies again!

2008-12-08T17:57:00.000-08:00

HE SLEPT THRU THE NIGHT!!

2008-12-08T11:47:00.000-08:00

That's right, it's a miracle! It only happened once, but I have hopes that this will happen again. Just about a week ago, his daddy Trampes came over and put him to bed. Much to my surprise, I went to bed and didn't hear a peep from Ethan until about 5am! I couldn't believe it. And of course, the following night was back to normal. But this past week, he's been getting longer stretches of sleep again. He may wake once or twice, but he's doing a lot more sleeping at night and that means I am too:)

And Ethan is loving to laugh at everything now. The other day it was the word "BLINK" and before that it was "PEACHES" or "ZIPPER". Anyway, he loves to laugh and all of us who get to hear it are loving it! I really want to figure out how to download a video because I have an amazing video of his laughter. So I'll find someone to help me and hopefully get it up soon. And I can't update pictures either because my personal computer is not turning on anymore. That's where all my pictures are and where I download all my new pics. So again, I'm going to need to find someone who knows a lot about computers to help me fix it. I have some great new shots of him and would LOVE to share them, but I can't right now. So I hope to do that soon.

Can't remember if I said this already, but he's sitting up by himself now. He's starting to look like such a "big boy". I know he's still a baby, but he's just growing and learning so much right now. It's quite amazing. And one of his new favorite things to do is fake cough... it's kind of a new way of "talking" to us. And he also loves biting his upper lip now that he has his 2 bottom teeth. He's always making this funny face when he bites his lip and it looks like his upper lip disappears. Again, I'll have to get some pictures on here soon I hope.

We'll be here in Valparaiso for Christmas, so that will be a fun change for me and great to spend Ethan's first Christmas here at home. Since I was a child, we've traveled to Minnesota or North Carolina every year for Christmas. This year my mom is helping out with the Christmas Eve service at Liberty Bible Church, so we'll be staying here through Christmas day. We're still planning on going to see Ethan's Great Grandma Hazen (my dad's mom) the day after Christmas. She's actually in a hospital right now and will be in a rehab center when we get up there, but we're looking forward to seeing her and lifting her spirits a bit. I know Ethan will help to put a smile on her face. So pray for a safe trip for us and especially that Ethan will do well on our long trip (about 11 hrs or so). And we also covet your prayers for my Grandma Hazen. She hasn't been in good health for years now and now my dad and his brothers have to figure out where she'll be going once she leaves the hospital. thanks all.

Nearing 6 months!

2008-11-21T19:38:00.000-08:00

It really is hard to believe, but Ethan will be 6 months old a week from tomorrow! I keep thinking "has it really almost been a half of a year?" No wonder they say it goes by fast... it goes by so fast.

So Ethan has his first 2 teeth, he's been trying solids (beans, peas, squash, bananas, applesauce, and pears) so far, he's getting closer and closer to figuring out how to crawl, grabs everything and anything and it all ends up in his mouth, and continues to observe and take in his environment everyday. I've been telling my mom I think he's had trouble sleeping from the beginning because he's going to be so smart. He just can't figure out how to turn off his brain. Haha - we'll see. I know I'll be proud of him no matter what. But he does seem especially in tune with what's going on around him. Very strong and intelligent and already knows what he wants.

And today has been the battle of biting mommy while nursing... :O yikes, ouch. He did it a few times today and after I said no, he ended up crying. But he's got to learn that's not o.k. or I'm going to have to switch to a bottle. So good luck to me, right? My goal was to at least nurse him through 6 months and we're almost there. So if this continues to be a problem, at least we made it this far.

Had some snow here the other day. I took Ethan out for a walk afterwards and he seemed to get a kick out of me stomping on the snow and then stomping the snow off my shoes. He laughed and laughed. Ah, so cute.

We're looking forward to Ethan's first Christmas too. I'm sure he'll get a lot of fun gifts and he won't remember a thing, but I'll be sure to take enough pictures for him to look back on:) We'll actually be in Indiana for Christmas Eve and Christmas day this year, so that will be a fun change. (though I wish Jessie and Dave and Jon and Christy could be here too). And we'll be off to visit Grandma Hazen in North Carolina the day after Christmas. So it'll be interesting to see how Ethan does on a long trip. Takes about 10 or more hours to get there (probably more with Ethan) so it's going to be a long trip there and back. But we'll get through it and if he does as well as he has on our trips to Illinois, we'll be just fine.

And no surprise (to me at least), still waiting for him to sleep through the night. Naps have been better for the most part, but I look forward to the day that I can say HE ACTUALLY SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT!!! ah, one day. One glorious day, that will happen. Until then, naps are still my best friend. But it's all worth it. Ethan is so amazing. He's one in a million and I'm so blessed to be his mother.

Trick-or-Treat?!

2008-11-03T18:40:00.000-08:00

We brought Ethan out for his first Halloween and I'm sure he'll have no recollection of it, but it was fun! And of course everyone wanted to know who was going to be eating all that candy!?? haha - I said I guess he'd have to share it with me:)

And just after Halloween, I took him with me to a wedding in Wheeling, IL. My friend Lauren just got married and I was happy to be there to celebrate the day. Ethan did so well in the car. He was pooped after the reception, so he basically slept all the way home. And he was SO HAPPY to be home in his own bed when we got home.

Can't believe it's already November! And we went for a walk today... such beautiful weather for this time of year. Ethan had a great time checking out all the leaves falling from the trees and listening to them crunch under our feet.

I know I already put pictures of him in the pumpkin outfit, but I'll add a couple from Halloween. And my grandparents were in town for a few days, so it was fun for Ethan to meet his great grandparents! (my mom's parents)

That's it for now... hope to keep the updates coming.

What's New?!!

2008-10-30T12:26:00.000-07:00

Well, now that my little guy is gettin older, he's learning more and more everyday. He loves grabbing everything and anything you put in front of him. But typical of a child, he prefers to grab things he shouldn't. :) He does very well on his tummy now and has figured out how to roll from his back to his tummy and back again if he wants to. But he seems to prefer playing on his tummy now.

He's figuring out how to scoot around, so I'm pretty sure he'll be crawling sometime in the next month. He's just so strong! I can hardly believe how well he keeps his head up and can push his upper body up for so long. He's also been pushing his rear in the air and sometimes gets on his knees, so it's really only a matter of time before he figures out how to get his front and behind up at the same time. It's very exciting, yet a little scary to think of him getting around on his own. My parents have been watching him get stronger and stronger and we're realizing there will be a lot to "baby-proof" once he's getting around. I'm sure we'll figure it out.

Would love to say that we've had a break-through with sleeping, but it's pretty much the same old, same old. This past month has been tough with all the night waking. He slept better during the night when he was 2 and 3 months old. So I'm not really sure what to do about that. And he wakes after 30-45 minutes during his naps (though there have been a few times he hasn't - there's hope!) and he usually goes back to sleep once I've given him back his pacifier or pat him on his back.

He's 5 months old, so I have to keep in mind that this should get better with time. I'm just hoping the night sleep will improve sometime in the next month or two. I'm so bad at letting him "cry it out" and I really don't want to have to do that if he's still waking as much as he is now. But I also know it's going to have to come to that if things don't improve. I just can't keep getting up 4 or more times during the night. It's wearing me out. And Ethan really needs to learn to sleep better too. So all in due time, I'm hoping.

Other than what he's been learning and how he's growing, he's just an overall happy baby. I tell him everyday that he's the cutest thing in the world. I think he already knows it. He loves to giggle and it just melts my heart when he looks at me with those beautiful blue eyes and gives me one of his precious smiles. I love my little Ethan Ryder. He's a good boy and I'm loving every minute I get to spend with him.

5 months old!

2008-10-30T06:22:00.000-07:00

I can hardly believe Ethan's 5 months already. Yet it seems like I can't remember life without him too. I'm pretty sure my computer is going to shut off soon, so I want to add some new pics before that happens. I'll try to update more later.

First Tooth!

2008-10-19T05:48:00.000-07:00

Ethan's on my lap right now, so I'll make this quick:)
I noticed last week, Sunday night, that Ethan was beginning to cut a tooth! Oh my goodness! I could hardly believe it:) And that would definitely explain the recent troubles with sleeping especially during the night. But he seems to be over the worst part now and it'll be fun to see the other teeth come in.

And of course he is reaching out for everything now, so I have to be more careful with what I put in front of him. We've also been doing cereal for this past week or so and he's getting much better at eating it. So lots happening - he's really such a joy. More and more fun everyday. I'll get back on soon to add some new pics.

Such a cutie!

2008-10-11T15:19:00.000-07:00

I just thought I'd let you all know what a cutie my little guy is. He makes me giggle just about everyday now. I love watching him try to grab things and try to stick just about everything in his mouth now. And he's been grabbing his feet lately too - it's so fun.

I tried feeding him cereal the other day and he seems to like it. Definitely still getting used to swallowing it, but he'll get the hang of it eventually. And it seems we went from struggling with naps to struggling with sleeping during the night. I may have said something about it in my last blog, but for about a month now, I've been going to bed just PRAYING that Ethan would sleep better. I'm not sure what caused it, but he tends to wake at least a few times during the night. So I guess it's just another hurdle to get over.

He had to get his shots yesterday and definitely wasn't thrilled about it, but he's been doing very well today. In fact, I'm trying not to get my hopes up, but he took 3 GREAT naps today and didn't even wake in the middle like he usually does. I'm thinking it must have something to do with the shots and giving him tylenol yesterday?? I don't know? But if he sleeps better tonight, I'll be THRILLED!!! And if he doesn't, I'm already used to getting hardly any sleep, so I'll be fine.

Nothing else to report really. Though we did make it to homecoming last weekend and he got to meet my friend (Laura's) baby, Luke. And he saw my other friend (Katie's) baby, Lydia, for the second time. It was so fun to see the three of them together. Lydia was born May 12, Ethan May 29, and Luke June 4. So it was a fun visit! I'll have to get some pictures on once I can get my computer to work again.

Growing Boy

2008-09-22T11:50:00.000-07:00

These are pictures from Ethan's 3 month photo shoot at JC Penny - isn't he such a cutie?! I couldn't figure out how to turn the picture the right way, so sorry you have to turn your head to look at it;)

I am absolutely amazed at how Ethan has grown and changed in these past few months! He'll be 4 months one week from today! I had made a comment on facebook that this has seemed like the longest 4 months and yet the quickest in some ways. But with everything we've been through together, it has seemed like a long time. I think that's mostly to do with the fact that my days are so long. Especially when Ethan doesn't sleep well at night, sometimes I feel like I'm living one never-ending day! But we get through it and I've been learning to really enjoy all of the good things that are happening now.

Ethan's been laughing a lot more, reaching out for things, and absolutely LOVES to suck on his hands or a pacifier or a blanket or whatever he can. The way he's been acting lately, I have a feeling he's going through the teething phase already. I can only hope it takes a while for those teeth to pop out, but he's seemed more bothered by it lately and I think it occassionally wakes him from sleep.

After we got home from Illinois (the last time I wrote) things got REALLY tough with night waking. He was waking 4 or more times a night and sometimes wasn't going back to sleep. I'd hear him up at 2am or so and don't think he went back to sleep until close to 4am. But after about 2 weeks of pretty bad sleeping during the night, he seems to be getting a little better now. I think he had exhausted himself so much that his body finally just gave up and said YOU NEED TO SLEEP!!! And of course last night he was up again around 1am, 2:30am, 4am and 5:30am. He seems to be going back to sleep pretty well, but I don't know why he keeps waking like that. He's so hard to figure out sometimes.

Other than the never-ending sleeping "problems", he is such a good boy. He hardly cries or fusses and even after he's been crying, it's usually pretty easy to get him to smile again. He loves to explore the world around him - loves going outside, checking out new places and especially loves to try to talk. I wish I could make a recording of his babbling. Sometimes he even does it when he's upset and trying to fall asleep and it just makes me smile. I feel bad that he's upset, but his little noises are just so cute:)

So things have been going well. I feel like I've gotten over a "hump" with him. I know we have many other things to go through, but I'm beginning to realize that he's just not the typical baby. And I have to be o.k. with the fact that he doesn't sleep through the night yet and will still take short naps now and then. I was driving myself crazy thinking he was SUPPOSED to be a certain way, according to the books, but now I see that no matter when he hits certain milestones, what matters most is that he's a healthy growing boy.

Something that helped turn things around for me was by attending my churches Missionary Care meeting. It's just a bunch of ladies who get together to listen to a missionary share what's going on where they're serving and then pray for them and other missionaries serving around the world. It was just so good for me to meet with other women (of all ages) and be able to pray with them and talk with them and feel like someone else can understand where I'm coming from and what I'm going through. I think God just put the right people in my life at just the right time. So I praise him for continuing to take care of my every need and giving me peace and joy and contentment when I needed it most. And I thank him everyday for my perfect little boy who brings smiles to my face everyday!

Back Home

2008-09-10T11:20:00.000-07:00

I guess, in a way, back home has 2 meanings...
Ethan and I were up in Wheeling/Deerfield Sunday and Monday and in a way I felt like I was back home again. And now I'm back in Valpo, so I'm "back home" once again.

It was so fun to see my friends and stay with Katie and Marc and Lydia. Ethan hadn't really met any babies his age, so I'm sure he enjoyed it! We met up with my friends at Harvest Sunday morning and had lunch with them. And then I brought him back to Katie's in Wheeling where we spent the night and the following morning.

Ethan already has trouble with naps, so I didn't expect them to go well while away from home. And he definitely had trouble sleeping, but did just as well as I would have hoped. He took good naps in the car ride there and back, so I thank God for getting us there and back safely and relatively quietly (for my sake).

And Monday afternoon we visited Rachel and Max and Jonah before my dentist appointment. It was so fun to see them too! And I can't believe I babysat for Max when he was Ethan's age! So crazy how time flies by. Anyway, it was great to visit friends and be back in the Chicago area again. I miss everyone so much! But I'll be bringing Ethan back up there for homecoming in a month, so I can't wait!

3 Months Old Already!

2008-09-03T17:46:00.000-07:00

I just can't believe my little guy is already 3 months old! (and yet it seems like the longest 3 months of my life sometimes!)
We've been through a lot so far, but I'm feeling like things are starting to come together much better. Naps are still (and will probably always be) an issue. But the important thing is that we may have our good days and our bad days, but overall, Ethan is a happy boy.

He turned 3 months on August 29th and I feel like we've kind of turned a corner since then. I've heard that babies usually take a turn for the better once 3 months rolls around and I have to say I'd agree. He still has some gassy issues, but nothing aweful like before (unless I have Oberweis icecream!:0) oops...
And even if he has a hard time taking a nap, we seem to make up for it later on. I felt like it was some kind of miracle on the day he turned 3 months - his naps were great and he even went from 10:30pm to 6am without eating! He woke at 2:30am, but I got him to go back to sleep and he didn't wake until 6am! Of course, that's the last time that happened, but I was still very excited about it.

And after this "miracle" day, I went and messed up his schedule alltogether and now we're kind of getting back on track. But the reason for messing up his schedule was worth it to me. My sister Jessie and her husband David flew in from Seattle on Thursday night and we had such a great week together. Saturday we went for a hike/walk at the Dunes and then we went for a boat ride out on Lake Michigan! Ethan did such a good job and didn't fuss at all until the very end of the boat ride. (He was wiped out at the end of that day - no surprise). Then Sunday I brought him to church where he barely got a nap and that evening Bethany and I sang in Leslie Rietveld's wedding, so I had to drag Ethan to the wedding and the dinner reception. He was SO TIRED by the end of that day I thought I'd damaged my child.

And of course sleeping at night still wasn't great, but I think that's because his naps were so terrible. You'd think if he got little sleep during the day, he'd sleep better at night, but that's not really how it works unfortunately. But then yesterday he took AMAZING naps - didn't even wake in the middle like he usually does. But then he was awake from 2:30-4am and it was hard to get him back to sleep. And of course today he was right back to his usual 30-45 minute waking during naps. So anyway, I'm not sure we'll ever have an entire week of good naps, but I'm just thankful to get some good days in here and there.

It was so fun to have Jessie and David in town. They left early this afternoon and I'm sad they're gone:( But they'll be back early next year and I hope to bring Ethan out to visit them in Seattle sometime in the next year. They both loved spending time with Ethan and he really loved getting to know them too:)

So back to the same old, same old. But it was fun while it lasted - and I'm hoping to bring Ethan to get some pictures taken soon. Gotta get those 3 month pics before too long.

And thanks for your prayers - God has been so good to help me have patience and really enjoy all of the precious moments I have with my son. He makes me smile everyday. I can't believe how much he's growing and cooing and trying to communicate already. He's such a joy and I wouldn't trade him for the WORLD!

Prayer

2008-08-28T13:23:00.000-07:00

So this blog is mostly about my need for prayer. I need to be praying more myself and I'd like to ask for anyone who reads this to just keep Ethan and I in your prayers. I've been feeling like giving up lately with trying to get Ethan to take good naps. Just when I feel like he's getting it, the next day seems like a nightmare. I was talking with a good friend of mine who has 2 kids of her own and she had a lot of good advice for me. I'm willing to try just about anything right now, so we'll see if trying to keep him on a schedule will help.

Sometimes I feel like God gave me this "difficult" child to teach me to be dependent on Him. There was a time after Trampes and I called off the wedding that I asked God to keep me as desperate for him as I was at that time. And in some ways, I think he's only answering my prayer.

And today after reading my friend's blog, I was reminded again that I need to keep my life in perspective. I feel like it's the end of the world when I have to listen to my child cry so much during the day. And I get SO FRUSTRATED when I know he's still tired, but refuses to fall back asleep. And then I start to doubt myself - am I doing this wrong? Am I torturing my child? Will we ever get past this stage? And I know we will, but sometimes this feels like it's lasting forever...
And that's when I have to tell myself that I have parents who love me (and my son) enough to allow us to live with them and are giving us a roof over our heads and food to eat and a safe and loving home for both Ethan and I. And my son is healthy and growing and such a beautiful child. I don't even deserve him. But God gave him to me and I have to remember what a GIFT he is. And my friends may not be near me, but they love me and pray for me and we can talk as often as we like. And my sister is close by and she's having a baby in January and I can't wait to share that JOY with her when her little one arrives!

There's so much in my life that I should be thankful for. I should wake up everyday (or every time I wake in the night;) thanking God for all that he's given me. There are so many people who will never know God's love like I've been blessed to know Him. And when life gets a little less complicated (not that it ever really does), but once I can get out more, I want to allow God to use me however he sees fit. I want my life to exemplify Christ, that others would come to know him through the love that I'm able to show because of the love that God has lavished on me.

So that's what I wanted to share today. To all of you who are friends and family, know that you are loved. And take some time to thank God for all that he's GIVEN you - try not to dwell on things that can't be changed. Remember that there is hope in every situation and as long as you keep God in the center, your life will have purpose. Thanks for listening to me babble on - and thank you for your prayers:)

New pictures

2008-08-19T12:51:00.000-07:00

Not much new, but sometimes that's a good thing, right? I've been enjoying our days together so much more now that Ethan is doing so much better with naps. Today was a little more difficult - he had some trouble with his first two naps, but I'm hoping this next one will last a little longer (for his sake anyway). But other than this morning, he's been pretty consistent about taking at least 2 good naps a day. He's been waking up happier and I've been smiling so much more! Which then causes him to smile so much more and EVERYONE's happier! :)

He's getting better at "babbling" - I can tell he's trying to communicate with us already. He says "doo" and "goo" mostly, but there have been a lot of new sounds even in this past few days. And something I've been LOVING is when he giggles... he's so close to laughing and I love it. And in the past week he's been sucking on his fists more and drooling more than usual. I told my mom I think he may be teething early! ;( But only time will tell... So for the most part, things have only been improving and I'm loving watching this little guy grow up and learn new things everyday. He's so much fun! (most of the time:) haha.

Breakthrough?

2008-08-13T18:39:00.000-07:00

This may have been our breakthrough day!??
Ethan has been crying so much in the last few days, I honestly didn't know how much more I could take. And it was always before he fell asleep and after about 30-45 minutes of sleep. That should have been the "middle of the nap" but everytime, it ended up being the END of the nap. He was crying longer than he was sleeping.

Anyway, then today, he slept for 1hr 20mins without any crying until he woke up! I could hardly believe it. Then his second nap was 1hr 45 mins and very little crying in the middle. His last couple of naps were about 30-40 mins, but I was just so thrilled he had done so well at the beginning of the day!

So I'm feeling really good today. Just so relieved to know that he CAN take longer naps without waking - and if he does wake, he's able to put himself back to sleep. Praise God!! I've been asking him for patience and strength to keep consistency. He is so good to give us a day like today.

He's 11 weeks old tomorrow! I hear sometime around 12 weeks, there's a change for the better. So if he's getting naps down, I can only hope it improves as he grows and gets older. I guess the next milestone I'm looking forward to is sleeping longer through the night. I've been feeding him around 10:30pm and he usually wakes around 3:30-4am to eat again. So it's a good stretch. I just know one of these days he'll actually wait till 6am or 7am to eat next. Until then... I'll just keep enjoying the sleep I'm able to get now. It's better than waking every 2-3 hours, that's for sure!

ROAD TRIP!

2008-08-04T10:09:00.000-07:00

We just got back from Ethan's first road trip to MICHIGAN! He did so good in the car and even managed to fit in a few naps:) Why were we in Michigan, you ask? My brother Jon and his wife Christy were having a reception there to celebrate their marriage. They married in Washington and since not everyone could make it out there, Christy's parents wanted to throw a party back home. I even got to see my friend CB who I hadn't seen in about 5 years! She had her little girl, Thalia, along. It was so good to finally meet her in person and have Ethan meet his first little friend. We had a lot of fun and Ethan was pooped out at the end of the day. But everyone loved meeting him, especially his Uncle Jon and Aunt Christy. They even bought him a BEARS outfit to wear, so I dressed him in it for our trip;)

I can't say naps have been much improved since I last wrote, but he can usually get in at least one good nap during the day. I think he was so wiped out when we got home on Sunday morning, he was just happy to sleep in a familiar place. So he ended up sleeping for 1hr 40 minutes! That was exciting for me. I took a nap too! :)

He's been sleeping now for about 30 minutes and I hear him shuffling a bit, so he'll either go back to sleep (miracle I'm praying for) or he'll be crying in a few minutes. Before I go, I want to include some pictures from our trip.

And one more thing - Ethan had a Dr. appt Friday and had to get his first shots! ow! I didn't like seeing him cry, but he got through it just fine. We had a kind of rough afternoon/evening, but I gave him infant tylenol and that seemed to help. And he now weighs 12lbs 12oz and is 23 1/2 inches long! He just keeps growing so fast! I can hardly believe he's 2 months already. (and a part of me also says, "has it really only been 2 months?" haha.

And he's crying... shoulda known:)

Special Day

2008-07-29T10:13:00.000-07:00

Today is a special day because it's my nephew Jacob's 5th birthday. Not only that, but it also marks Ethan's 2 months "birthday":) So we're celebrating them both today - the big party is for Jacob, of course. Pool party! So fun!

And I continue to obsess about taking pictures of Ethan. I feel like I have to capture every moment and every new look or guesture he makes. So I'll include a couple of favorites from recent days.

Ethan seems to only improve his napping "skills" and we're both enjoying awake times so much more now. He smiles so much - I just can't get enough of his adorable little face:) His Grandma Hazen (Carol, my mom) is also loving watching him grow and learn. She's feeling quite spoiled to have so much quality time with her grandson. I think the only tough part for her is having to listen to him cry along with me. She wants to help too. We women have such a soft spot in our hearts for crying babies... what can I do!? How can I help!? But she's been very good about allowing me to be the mother and figure all this stuff out on my own.

So I look forward to another great day with Ethan - watching him coo and smile and enjoy life the way a little baby should. And I'm sure it helps that his mommy is much more smiley than before;)

Only gets better

2008-07-23T19:12:00.001-07:00

I can't tell you how many times I've heard "It only gets better" and it's so true. Ethan and I have been working on napping and he's getting better everyday. We're still working on taking longer naps, but he'll get there. Even if a couple of his naps get caught a little short, he tends to get a good 2 hour or more nap once a day. Though today his longest was 1 and 1/2 hours. So I'm hoping he gets some good sleep tonight, but I'm not counting on it:)

And I've been trying to cut out dairy from my diet which seems to be helping his stomach. His awake times have been more pleasant and I'm getting a lot more smiles, so that makes me happier too. I know there's always more changes to come and just when you think you have a schedule, it changes. But for now, I'm sane and my child is happy. That's all I can ask.

A Growing Boy

2008-07-21T10:07:00.000-07:00

I forgot to mention that I brought Ethan in to see the doctor on Friday. I just wanted to be sure he was as healthy as he seems to be and that the gas issues weren't because of something I wasn't aware of. Well, turns out he's just as healthy as can be and he's 11lbs 5oz and 22 1/2 inches long! So he's gained 3lbs 5oz and grown 2 1/2 inches already! It's amazing how quickly they grow.

And I have to report that he was so exhausted this morning and didn't take a good morning nap. But I put him down not long after his last feeding and he's been sleeping now for 2 hrs and 20 minutes!! It's a record! Yay Ethan! He should be up just in time for his next feeding and we can have some fun awake time now. I'm so happy and so proud of my little boy. I really can't believe how quickly he's learned to sleep on his own. Thank you God!

There's Hope

2008-07-20T15:41:00.001-07:00

I was getting so worried that I was doing this the wrong way or maybe trying to teach him to sleep on his own too early. But much to my amazement, within just a couple of days he's been figuring out how to fall asleep ALL BY HIMSELF! I'm so proud of my little guy. Now it's not to say that we've got it all figured out (come on, when do you ever?) He's still having gassy issues and I feel so terrible when there's nothing I can do for him. I try burping him in different positions, rub his tummy, rub his back, giving him baby massages, etc. But sometimes he just needs to cry it out and eventually we get through it.

What I'm trying now is to keep us on some kind of schedule so that he and I both know what to expect during the day. So I'm feeding him every 3 hours (give or take 10 or 15 minutes) and we're trying to teach him to sleep in his crib for naps, usually about an hour or so after he's been fed.

The kink in this new plan is that he's been waking up from his naps after just 30-40 minutes a lot of the time because of his gassy pains. (I've been thinking he may have colic) I'm pretty sure he would probably be able to sleep longer, but because he's hurting, he wakes up unhappy. And then when it comes time for his next feeding, I feel like he doesn't get as much awake time afterwards because he's already been up for almost 2 hours. I know this doesn't all happen like clockwork and I do have to learn to be flexible. It's just hard not to think I'm doing something wrong when I read all these books saying do this, do that, don't do that. I know it's all up to me and the temperment of my own child, but I also want to be sure I don't get him into any bad habits. And rocking him to sleep or letting him sleep on me was starting up some habits that I'm now trying to break him of. And that's why I'm so amazed that he's already doing SO MUCH better after trying this for just a couple of days.

I was very encouraged this morning... we both got a good night of sleep and he took a 2 hour nap this morning! I couldn't believe it! But I knew he needed it. He ate last night at 7pm, then again at 12am, and again around 3am. And then he woke up this morning to eat at 7am. I felt like we both got good sleep because he was going right back to sleep after his feedings. And now he's waking from his nap, so I have to run!

Here Goes Nothing!

2008-07-17T09:43:00.001-07:00

So Ethan was especially difficult yesterday all day and night. I decided for my own sanity it's time to start "training" him to sleep without my help. So last night I let him cry it out a few times, but the problem was that he would stop crying, but wasn't falling asleep... hmm, what to do? So when it had been a few hours after his last feeding, I picked him up and fed him. But then during the feeding, he was so tired, he wouldn't eat very well and it was harder to burp him. It's just such a terrible cycle.

And today I've been trying to let him cry it out during nap time because I can't spend my whole day rocking him to sleep and praying he'll stay asleep when I put him in his crib. He had finally fallen asleep this morning at 11am, but woke up about 30 minutes later. So I went in to comfort him and try to get him to sleep again, but instead I'm listening to him cry AGAIN. I think this little guy is more stubborn than I'm prepared to handle. It's SO HARD to listen to it and be strong enough to let him cry, but I know for sure he's only crying because he's tired. And I really think it's time we both get on some kind of schedule. I need more hands free time and he just needs more regular sleep. Ahhhh! This has really been a nightmare of a week, but we've gotten through it so far and I can only pray this gets easier. (at least the gas drops seem to be working - now we just need to get him to sleep and stay asleep and we'll all be happy campers)

This too shall pass

2008-07-14T16:40:00.000-07:00

I keep reminding myself of that verse... "This too shall pass"
I know the bad gas and not wanting to nap are just a phase we're going through, it's just been a rough few days. But I'm happy to report that today has been a vast improvement from yesterday. I was about to pull my hair out and cried a few times yesterday when I couldn't get him to sleep (even though his eyes looked SO TIRED) It was so stressful for me because I knew he needed to sleep and I knew he was cranky because he hadn't gotten enough sleep, but there was nothing I could do to help him go to sleep. Yesterday was kind of a waiting game. The only problem was I was so tired, I was NOT in the mood for waiting;)

But we got through it and he slept better during the night. And today has felt like such a relief as far as naps are concerned. He's been getting back on the schedule he was on before. He eats, is up for a bit (with pleasant looks and smiles and coo's) and falls asleep after being up for about an hour to an hour and a half. So YAY for whatever has been helping to calm him today. And in turn, has helped to calm me as well. I feel much better today. Still can't wait for the gas to stop bothering him, especially during the night. I go in a few times(or more) during the night to rub his tummy when I know he could have kept sleeping if he wasn't experiencing pain. I know we'll get through it.
My friend Rachel Hyman was just telling me today (in an e-mail) that she remembers going through it too. And it's so good to be reminded that others have been there and better days are around the corner. (thanks Rachel:)

And I just keep asking God to help keep me calm and hopeful for what's to come. And I also make sure to enjoy those moments when he IS enjoying life... the smiles, the active arms and legs, the eyes that love to explore. He's such a blessing. I need to thank God for him EVERYDAY!!

Got gas?

2008-07-08T08:02:00.000-07:00

(that's a picture of him in an outfit his uncle Jon wore when he was a baby:)

Ethan's been struggling a bit with gas the past few weeks. But I finally got some gas drops to see if that might help and they have! He seems to be much more pleasant after feeding and it's not waking him up so much as it was before. Yay for gas drops! life saver;)

Other than that, I've been sensing he's NOT into naps during the day. It takes a lot of coaxing and calming to get him to even close those eyes (when I can see by his yawns and face that he's actually tired) The only good thing about that is he should be getting much closer to beginning to sleep through the night. I've been reading a book about sleep habits and promoting healthy sleeping. It keeps saying that 6 weeks is supposedly the magic number. He'll be exactly 6 weeks on Thursday, so we'll see...

I would absolutely LOVE to be able to sleep for longer than 2 or 3 hours at a time. That would be a very welcome change for me;)

And of course, he's getting hungry as I write, so I best be going. I'll keep the updates coming - fun to see him change and grow! I just love him to pieces!

The Fourth of July!

2008-07-04T20:07:00.001-07:00

So today is Ethan's first 4th of July and he's happily sleeping upstairs as I finish up some e-mails... can't believe he can sleep through all this noise, but I do have a couple fans on to "mask" the BANGS surrounding our house.
And of course, as I'm writing this, I hear him stirring. But he's been asleep now for about an hour, so I'm proud of him. He's actually probably getting hungry.

I just can't wait for him to start going more than 3 hours during the night without eating so we can both get some more rest.

O.k., he's not so happy now, so I need to go!
Just wanted to say how amazed I am that he actually slept through all that noise;)
What a good boy! (next year we'll go see the fireworks - he should be a little more "ready" for it then)

Time Flies!

2008-07-01T18:53:00.000-07:00

I've been trying to get on here since Sunday to report that Ethan is already ONE MONTH old!! I just can hardly believe how quickly time is passing. You hear people say all the time, "Just wait, it goes fast". But now I'm beginning to understand. Usually a day goes by and I think, "what did we do today?" But when you're feeding every 2-3 hours and burping, changing, and getting him back to sleep, it's amazing how fast the day seems to disappear!

I'm still loving ALMOST:) every minute we have together. I have to admit there are times when I'm just so tired, I'd rather collapse back in bed than get up to feed him. But then I see his beautiful little face and the way he sometimes smiles up at me and I melt once again. And then I forget that I'm up at 2am and wish I could be sleeping again.

He's going to be 6 weeks in just a week and a half and I hear the sleeping schedule gets much better from that point on. So I'll look forward to reporting getting a full night's sleep finally! Wow - can hardly remember what that's like.

His Aunt Jessie was visiting from Seattle for the weekend. She had a wedding to go to, so it worked out well that she could spend the rest of her time here with the family and meet Ethan finally! She just LOVES him already - didn't want to say goodbye. But the good thing is she'll be back at the end of August with her husband David, so we're all looking forward to that. And Ethan will seem so much different in just a couple of months.

And lastly, my good friend Rachel went into labor a couple of days ago. She's in Nicaragua, so I'm looking forward to hearing how it went and whether it was a boy or girl!! So exciting! Babies everywhere!!

Oh, Baby

2008-06-24T14:51:00.000-07:00

So Ethan has had some major gas issues the last couple of days... I'm seriously trying to think about what I'm eating, but it just seems impossible sometimes. I feel so terrible when he's hurting and just want it to go away. But other than that, everything is still going so well. I was just telling my mom yesterday that I have to pinch myself sometimes because it just doesn't seem real still. I think it's still hard for me to accept that I'm a mother, but not married. You know how you always have this dream for yourself or imagine how your life will turn out. Well, I never would have imagined it this way. That doesn't make being a mother now any less enjoyable. It's just still hard for me to grasp since the current pictures doesn't quite match up with the one I had envisioned.

I feel now as though my life has a purpose. I know God always had a purpose for me and I'd like to think that I was living that way before. But now I know exactly why I'm here. My life is to serve this little guy and care for him and his needs. I finally feel as though I'm living. It's hard to explain. But it's amazing and I love living now, more than ever.

Busy day

2008-06-21T09:37:00.000-07:00

So yesterday was a busy day for mommy and Ethan...
I had a couple of errands to run and he came along for the ride. When we got back, he met Alissa for the first time - she wasn't ready to hold him, but enjoyed seeing him in person finally. We ended up going to the pool in the afternoon and he took a nap in my arms while we were there. And we went for a little walk, but he wasn't too thrilled about that, so it was short. He had some fussy time with some good wear you out crying, so he took a little nap after that. But then we went to a picnic in Chesterton, so another car ride and more fresh air (with a few raindrops included). Followed by a good 2 hour nap;)
After all his napping during the day, I wondered how he'd do last night. Well, much to my surprise (and delight) he slept very well all night and fed at 10pm, 1am, 4am, and again at 7am - with good sleep in between for mommy and Ethan.

I'm feeling good today and ready to have another fun-filled day with my little boy. He's the love of my life and the most fun I've ever had!

3 weeks old today!

2008-06-19T16:06:00.000-07:00

So today officially marks Ethan's 3rd week of life;)
He's doing very well here at home and seems to be changing before my eyes. I can already tell that he's grown by looking at his face and seeing the little chub that's begun on his arms and legs. I captured a mile marker on video today - I laid Ethan on his tummy and he was getting so frustrated, he pushed himself over onto his back! He's a strong little guy! And I'm so happy I caught it on video.

We had a lot of fun today and it's starting to show on Ethan's face - he was pretty fussy during dinner. But now grandma is holding him and he's saying "I'm just tired, let me rest a while". Ethan was up most of the morning with me... tried putting him down for a nap a couple of times, but he either had gas or just wasn't thrilled I had put him in the bassinet or was hungry by the time I got him to fall asleep:) So not much for naps this morning. We went to the pool this afternoon with his cousins and he fell asleep in my arms. Then we went for a walk around the block with his cousins again and he just enjoyed the stroll. And now he sleeps... until his next meal, at least. Overall, it's been a good day. I think we're getting some kind of a schedule down. It varies from day to day, but he's adjusting quite well (and so is mommy - getting rest when I can;)

Sleeping

2008-06-17T04:23:00.000-07:00

So I had to report that last night, Ethan slept very well. He still got up every 2-3 hours to eat, but went right back to sleep after I fed him and burped him. I think that was the first time he didn't have a fussy/awake time during the night and I enjoyed it! And to top it all off, just this morning he gave me a wonderful smile and it made my day;)

And right now he looks like he'd like to be going somewhere - not such a fan of just sitting in one spot. So mommy's gonna take him for a little walk

We had a good day

2008-06-14T20:22:00.000-07:00

Nothing real eventful happened today, but sometimes no news is good news.
I've been trying a new hold to feed Ethan because of his bad gas and so far it seems to be helping. The last couple of days he was much more fussy than he ever had been and I know it was because of bad gas. OH, such fun for little babies:)

Today has been a beautiful day! Ethan's daddy came over to see him and allowed mommy some hands free time. We went for a walk around the block - I'm getting more and more comfortable with moving around in general, so praise God for a quick recovery! Though I have to say how depressing it is that I still appear to be a few months pregnant. I guess you never know how long it takes to get back to "normal", though I continue to hear I never really will be back to normal.

Ethan continues to amaze us with his strength and he really likes to look around right now. He's definitely trying to focus on things, but it's still hard for him. He can push himself away with his arms and his legs.

Everyday is a new day and he's always looking like he's growing and learning - loving every minute of it!

Quick update

2008-06-13T08:05:00.000-07:00

Let's see if I can summarize the past 2 weeks. He was born on a Thursday, so we spent that Friday, Saturday and part of Sunday in the hospital. It takes a little longer to recover after a c-section. But I was very READY to leave when the time came. It felt like I had left prison! Not to say that the hospital wasn't nice or that the staff wasn't helpful - I just wanted to be comfortable and hospitals just aren't comfortable.

The ride home was difficult - my parents came to pick up Ethan and me and we had to drive from Libertyville, IL to Valparaiso, IN. That's usually about a 2 hr trip and I think we made it in about that much time. But there's road construction everywhere and it seemed we hit every BUMP possible, which caused me to wince everytime. I was very thankful when we finally arrived home.

And since that day, which was Sunday, June 1st, Ethan and I have been learning and growing together. I'm learning his ways of communication and getting somewhat of a schedule figured out... how often he eats, sleeps, poops, etc. He is rarely fussy and usually just enjoys looking at his surroundings when he's not sleeping or eating. Though the last couple of days we've hit some rough patches due to bad gas. I'm trying to cut peanut butter out of my diet to see if that helps. So much of this motherhood thing is a guessing game- you try different approaches until something works.

Lets see... last Thursday, June 5th, we took him to his first visit to the pediatrition. She said he looked great and was quite impressed by how calm he was during the examination (with the exception of when he was weighed - that scared him a bit). He weighed in at 8 lbs 3 oz, which is great because often times babies loose weight during the first week. He's a good eater.

He's had his first bath, his first visit to the park, his first outing with mommy so she could go shopping, we think his first smile, and he's even pushed himself over when we put him on his stomach! So this little guy is ahead of the game - very strong!

His Grandma Kim came to see him last weekend - all the way from North Dakota. She had some difficulties with the traveling, but finally made it in and enjoyed every minute she could spend with her first and only grandson (blood-related)

And now we look forward to the many other visitors that will come to say hello! My cousin Karna and her family are in town for the week - they've all seen Ethan already:) My sister, Jessie flies in from Seattle June 25th and will spend a long weekend with us. Then my brother Jon and his wife, Christy will be here at the end of July for their wedding reception up in Michigan. And Jessie will be back at the end of August with her husband, David. So Ethan is excited to meet his other aunts and uncles that he'll grow to know and love so dearly.

I'm sure there will be more to come - I've been taking pictures and videotaping him pretty much on a daily basis. There's just so much I don't want to miss. And he's so adorable, I want to capture every little face he makes. So mommy and Ethan are doing well - until next blog...

Favorite pics from first 2 weeks

2008-06-13T07:48:00.000-07:00

May 29, 2008 Ethan arrives @ 8:43pm!

2008-06-13T02:49:00.000-07:00

So here's the story of Ethan's birth...
This is of course, my first time being a mother and my first time going into labor. But all I knew of labor is that my mom's all went pretty quickly and she usually had each of us kids within a couple hours after showing up at the hospital...
This isn't that kind of story.

I was due on May 27th, but expected I might be a bit late (seems that's typical with your first). I went to Bible study with a friend that night and started not only noticing my contractions in a different way, but also began timing them and they seemed to stay pretty regular. After about an hour, we noticed that they were usually between 6 and 10 minutes apart, but staying closer to every 6 minutes. I was with my friend Kristen Redman and we decided better to be safe than sorry, so we showed up at the hospital to check on my status.

After getting checked out and walking around the hosptial for an hour, they checked me again and I was still about 1-2cm dialated. So the nurse said I might be more comfortable at home since I was still in what's called "early labor". So I went back to Kristen's and tried to sleep it off. All through the night and the following day, I continued keeping track of my contractions and now they seemed to be between 4 and 6 minutes apart. I really didn't know what I was supposed to feel, so I just figured it would have to get a little worse before I headed to the hospital again.

Meanwhile, my sister and Trampes heard that my contractions were staying regular and they were going to come up to Illinois just in case. Bethany got there around 3:00pm and Trampes got there a little later. We were still keeping track of my contractions and they seemed to stay nice and close. My mom was so worried I was going to have the baby SOON and it started making me nervous, so we headed back to the hospital again. And once again, I was still at about 1-2cm and the nurse said I could stay or try to sleep at home. So once again I headed back to Kristen's and we waited it out.

That night, around 4am I noticed the contractions began to FEEL different. Now there was definitely a cramping, painful sensation when the contractions came and I thought, "o.k., this has got to mean I'm getting closer" So I woke my sister and said I thought the time was getting nearer. We still kept track of how far apart my contractions were and they stayed regular. I took a shower that morning and we ate some breakfast. Then we headed to the hospital around 7:15am. This time, the nurse said my cervix was definitely thinning, though it wasn't dialated much further. But they finally said I could stay and see how things progressed while I was being monitored. And so it began...

Bethany and Trampes walked with me around the hospital, we watched a couple movies, listened to music, and most importantly, I was breathing through my contractions, which were now between 3 and 5 minutes apart. Bethany and Trampes both did such a good job of coaching me and helping me to focus on BREATHING through the contractions. I was definitely getting more used to it, but it still was no fun at all! The Dr. had checked on me earlier in the day and said he may come back to break my water if that hadn't happened about about 12pm. So it was at about 1pm that he came back to break the water. After that, contractions were similar, but sometimes more intense.

And so came the hour of 4:30pm. Dr. Slaw said I was dialated about 5-6cm, but the process was taking much longer than I had anticipated. By that time, I had been trying to breath through my contractions for about 12 hours and I was tired! So I had a little emotional breakdown and said I wanted the epidural. It wasn't until about 6:30 that I finally received the epidural, but MAN, was that relieving! I couldn't believe how much easier it was after that.

About an hour later, the nurse was checking on things, and in came the doctor and about 4 or 5 other nurses. I was getting my blood pressure checked, temp, oxygen mask put on my face, and the doctor was checking the baby's heartbeat. He explained that when I was having contractions, the baby's heartbeat was actually slowing down and he really didn't like the looks of things. So he let me know he though it was 90% likely I'd be getting a c-section, but it was totally up to me if I wanted to just do it then. I cried and freaked out a little, but knew if that was what was best for the baby, we should just go ahead and do it.

So at about 8pm, they moved me to another room to begin surgery. I was laying down and there were straps holding down my arms on either side of me and straps holding down my legs. It wasn't long before they put up the blue sheet to cover my face from what was happening and Trampes came in to sit next to me while they cut me open. It was the weirdest sensation. I felt so numb, yet was aware of every tug and push and pull that they did. Then one big push on the top part of my uterus, and out came A BOY!! I was so excited and started cryinc as soon as I heard his precious first cries. We knew then that we had little Ethan Ryder Hazen-Brown.

He was 8lbs even and 20 inches long. And the nurses kept saying how beautiful he was - I just wanted to see my little boy! That was so hard feeling stuck there. After he was checked over and cleaned up, I got to give him one kiss and they took him to the nursery while I continued to be sewn back up. Once that was done, they put me in the recovery room where I slowly began to get feeling back in my arms and legs and could barely keep my eyes open. It was about an hour and a half later they brought me to my room and shortly after, the nurses brought Ethan in to see if we could breastfeed. And then, finally, I got to hold my little boy. And he was (and is) the most precious and perfect little thing I've ever seen.

Ethan Ryder

In memory of my angel, Ethan Ryder

Definitely time for an update!

Christmas 2009

Halloween

Things to remember

Just a few more favs

Was that summer!??

July's half over!!

Video/pics from Ethan's 1st birthday

First Birthday!!! (May 29)

New videos

Quick update

Weekend Fun!

9 month pictures

Spring is almost here

March already!?

They grow up so fast:)

Big news!

More Videos!!

Christmas pictures!

2009!

Videos

Grandma Hazen

new pics before my computer dies again!

HE SLEPT THRU THE NIGHT!!

Nearing 6 months!

Trick-or-Treat?!

What's New?!!

5 months old!

First Tooth!

Such a cutie!

Growing Boy

Back Home

3 Months Old Already!

Prayer

New pictures

Breakthrough?

ROAD TRIP!

Special Day

Only gets better

A Growing Boy

There's Hope

Here Goes Nothing!

This too shall pass

Got gas?

The Fourth of July!

Time Flies!

Oh, Baby

Busy day

3 weeks old today!

Sleeping

We had a good day

Quick update

Favorite pics from first 2 weeks

May 29, 2008 Ethan arrives @ 8:43pm!